Same same but different

Hey guys!

It has been soooooo long since my last post – 2 years to be exact. If you scroll a little down to read it, I started with a similar greeting. Shame on me.

I kept saying that I wanted to do something more, improve myself, improve this site, but honestly, I am right where I started.

Almost 4 years have passed since I first said I wanted to start this blog and actually getting a domain and getting everything up. Since then, I’ve only written a few half-assed posts.

So much has happened since my last post in December 2017, but yet nothing has really changed. Why is that so? I honestly don’t know.

I feel like I’m stuck in this bubble of mine, stuck in time, unable to progress. There’s approximately 1 month left of school, just 3 more weeks of lessons, and I realised how much I have missed being a university student, because I was too busy thinking this was a waste of time. “4 years in SMU is such a waste of time, I’m doing the exact same thing I did in poly”, I thought and was never afraid to verbalise that to people. But as the lessons were really, finally ending, it dawned on me that I have wasted this 4 years. There is so much I don’t know. So much being taught but I didn’t absorb. So much being said but I didn’t listen. So much in front of me but I didn’t see. I have wasted a massive amount of learning opportunity, of time, of potential networks. I have just wasted 4 years of my life away.

Don’t know why I suddenly felt the need to update this little forgotten space, but hey you, I’m back. I hope.

With love always,
Yumiko


				
			
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Back

SO. Hi guys, I’m back!

HAHAHA

I know it’s been a really loooong while, but I’m back to blogging, youtubing, instagramming, photographing, selling, whatever it is, I’m doing it. I’ve uploaded a new video last week, helped photograph a wedding set-up just this past weekend, and did I mention I’m typing this right now in my brand spanking new INTERNSHIP??!?!?!?!?!???! SO EXCITING RIGHT! I even get my own desk! Albeit right outside the toilet but still, A DESK! A few months ago I wouldn’t even dream of interning at where I am right now, but it feels awesome that I went for what I wanted and I actually got in! (Not gonna reveal the company but just know that it is a super design centric hospitality group and I LOVE IT)

It’s a lot on my plate and I’m practically everywhere doing everything and I don’t even know what I’m going to continue doing like 5 years from now. But you know what? It’s perfectly fine! I just turned 22 (last week) and it’s the perfect age to do everything and to just explore you know? I don’t have to have everything figured out, so I’m letting myself do whatever I want, just slowly figuring out my passion and where my future is headed.

I have a good feeling, and I hope you get some good vibes too!

Til next time!

With love,

Yumiko

 

 

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Baby Steps

Hello there! It’s been a really long while since my last blog post, and today on my half birthday I feel like I should post something! I know, it’s ridiculous, but I make it a point to acknowledge and celebrate my half birthday. It means 6 whole months have just passed and I’m halfway there to being another year older.

First things first, I’m putting #HAPPYbyYM on hold. I don’t think I’m ready for it when I’m not even happy myself. And this post will be a little messy but I’m learning not to care. Going back to the purpose of this blog, it’s for myself before anything else, I hope you understand.

Two nights ago, I was walking home with Nic. It was late at night and I just decided to bring up the issue – I never really felt connected to anybody, not even N sometimes. I thought N would be upset hearing this, but I think he handled it pretty well. He told me I’m probably scared of connecting with anybody because I’m afraid of getting judged. I¬†disagreed.

To me, it’s more of I don’t know how to identify that feeling. What is love? What does it mean to feel connected? All these questions felt awfully hard to answer… We explored a little more and I guess I came to the conclusion that my own expectations are unrealistic, and on top of that, I don’t know what I want. A deadly combination for a fickle girl like me.

So where did all these expectations come from? We concluded that it was from my upbringing, my parents. They have always had high expectations on me, it’s very hard to get a praise. I act like I don’t care, but somewhere along the way, their expectations of me became my expectations of the world, and my own personal expectations got mixed in somewhere, making everything murky.¬†Perhaps I’m always unable to decide because of these different expectations I have within me. What do I really want? What’s the best for me?¬†What will make my parents happy? Is that what I want? You see the flow there? I can’t identify myself.

It sounded weird to me, how can this have such a huge impact on me? But maybe, subconsciously, it’s true.

Also, I want the results without the effort, and I want results fast. So you see the problem there, high expectations + unwilling to put in the effort + impatience = DISASTER.

One of my besties also said, I’m afraid of failure before even trying or failing at anything really. It’s hard for me to digest failure no matter how small because of the expectations of myself. All this plus the fact that I don’t know what I want to do with life and the future¬†made me feel a little depressed for like the longest time (I took the online depression test, I know it’s not accurate but still). I’m not sure if this is all there is to it, but at least it sounds correct?

Sigh. I’m here to acknowledge that there’s a problem. I know there’s a problem since a long time ago, I know I said I’ll change since a long time ago, and I didn’t, I failed, I’m still the same old 1 year later. But I’m willing to try again now, today.

N said to take baby steps to learning more about myself and what I want, not what anybody else wants of me. I can start from deciding the little things,¬†like what to wear and what to eat, what will make me happier? So today I’ve decided to reactivate my blog and post this personal story. I hope it keeps me accountable, and if you’re experiencing the same thing, I hope you don’t feel alone in this like I thought I was.

Till next time,

Yumiko

 

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#HAPPYbyYM January – Adventure

Happy New Year beautiful people!!! Can’t believe it’s 2017 already. Time flies right?? Haven’t had the time to properly do a review on 2016, but so happy to finally be able to say I am launching #HAPPYbyYM!

So this little project of mine is basically a monthly¬†subscription box created to spread happiness through little surprises. A #HAPPYbyYM box can contain anything from beauty products to snacks and other random things as long as it’s related to the month’s theme! And every month of the year will have different themes that will only be revealed at each start of the month. To get more information, you can check out this page.

Soooo I’m going to reveal the secret theme as it is 1 January now! The theme for January 2017 is…

adventure

January is the perfect time to plan and go for your adventures. What have you always wanted to do but have never set aside time for? Where have you never been to before but have always wanted to explore? What is something new that you want to try? Go on that unbeaten path, write your own adventure.

This month’s box will contain items that will help bring you places, places you want to go, places you’ve never been to before, places that spells adventure. I hope you will use them to write your own adventure.

For this month only, stand a chance to win this ‘happy like bird’ rose gold plated bracelet when you subscribe! Also, January is the only month that you can subscribe for 12 months to get $120 savings! That is a LOT of savings! It’s a special deal for this month only as I am only doing this project for 2017. So do consider the 12 months subscription to get the best deal and also the best complete experience! For more information regarding the pricing, refer to this page.

'happy like bird' bracelet

If you have any questions regarding #HAPPYbyYM or just wanna say hi, feel free to email me at hello@yumikomasda.com or comment in this post! Once again, have a very happy new year peeps and I look forward to packing your #HAPPYbyYM boxes! ūüėČ

Subscribe now

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Downhill

10 more days to my birthday – almost half a month since my last post, and I haven’t gotten any substantial post up, no new vlogs, no new pictures on Instagram. So ironic how I was so determined to turn things around at the start of the month, and everything only seemed to go downhill from there.

Exams are in exactly a week and I haven’t started studying sigh. Thinking of going on a social-diet, just being by myself for awhile to figure out my thoughts and everything.. Is there a reset button on life?

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1 November 2016

Another day has passed, and it’s now November 2016!!!

Before I turn 21, I want to let go of all the negativity that has been consuming me the past year. It’s not even the past few months, it’s the past year! So enough is enough. There needs to be a change, I need to change. I have been lost for long enough, I need to start finding my way back.

For this entire month, I hope to post as much as I can, to reflect on the negativity that I have been feeling, so that by 23rd of November, I can let it all go, and start afresh! I hope you guys don’t mind the wordy pity-posts, promise it won’t be as often in the months to come if you do follow me regularly! If you’re on the same boat, I hope my posts serve as a reminder that you are not alone *hugs*

Today I was quite upset as I realised the people around me might not want my presence as much as I hoped for, but then again I got reminded by Nic that I didn’t put the necessary effort to make the relationship happen as well.. I’m the kind of person that will put in the due effort if the other party shows the interest in me first, because if they’re not interested, why bother right? The initial spark/chemistry is really important for me, and so I tend to filter through friends pretty quickly. At the same time, I want the rewards without all the work. I mean who doesn’t? But today is a reminder to myself that I shouldn’t be so quick to judge, and if others do not reciprocate, DO NOT BE UPSET, but put in the effort to know that you have done your part. Anything else would be on them.

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Vlogs

HELLO THERE!

Today is an exciting day because I’m not only gracing you with a post, but also 2 vlogs! TWO VLOGS!!! That, my friend, is an achievement by itself. I got another vlog coming up so stay tuned for that too! But for now, do enjoy these 2 that I’ve uploaded!

Vlog #3 is taken back in August *oops* It’s back when Pokemon Go was still hip so do pardon us for the PokeTalk. Other stuffs are still relevant though! Which was why I decided to still upload them anyway. Do read the description in the video itself because they’ll be more detailed. Enjoy:

Vlog #4 is exciting because it’s my first unboxing!!! Came back from the post office with a few parcel so I thought it’d be the perfect time to try out an unboxing video. What do you guys think of the Kylie Cosmetics Birthday Edition?? Speaking of which, I have Leo, Poppin, Lord and Kyliner on sale so do email me at hello@yumikomasda.com to enquire for it!

Do remember to like, comment and subscribe okay!! XD

Have a great week ahead!!!

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Purpose

Somewhere along the way, I forgot why I wanted to start this blog in the first place. I got lost again because I forgot my purpose.

Personal branding and building a following was definitely one of the goals. But more than that, I wanted to write so that I could ‘find’ myself. Instead, I am posting once every 3 months on trivial matters and surface level stuff because I thought that was what people wanted to see. I thought nobody would want to read about how bad I feel at this moment. I thought I must appear as the little ball of sunshine all the time.

Now there’s 2 things wrong with that. Firstly, there’s no people. HAHA seriously, this blog has no readers yet, because I’m too¬†cowardly¬†to share this page to friends and family. Secondly, there’s no point in writing trivial stuff because I’m not writing it for anybody, I’m not even writing it for myself. I’m only posting stuff for the sake of posting stuff. And that is bad, that is really bad.

For awhile now I thought ‘Hey why is there no progress to this? Why is there nobody reading? Why am I not writing enough?’ I don’t know what to write because I’m not good at bullshit. Every time I have to think of some fluff to write about just to fill up the page and that’s just not me. I’m a nagger and I’m a thinker, that means I have a lot to say about something if i’m passionate about it. This little project of mine has just gone so off-course that I didn’t know what to do with it because it simply wasn’t representing me right now.

I forgot the initial purpose of this blog; to find myself. In order to do that, I had to be honest. I can’t be afraid of what people are thinking of me, because there will always be haters. I’m writing this to convince myself as well because I’m definitely a people pleaser. I can’t stand not being liked by people unless I don’t like them too and even then it’ll still affect me. So I’m slowly learning to accept myself, my thoughts, and the fact that nobody is perfect. Nobody can please everybody, because they’ll only end up pleasing nobody.

Purpose is so important in anything we do because that is the core, why you are doing what you do. Without the core, everything else will be based on nothing and it will just crumble, just like a building without a strong foundation. I am a firm believer of purpose in life, but I think I’ve gotten lost somewhere along the way.

It’s important I post this today, now, at 3am because it’s fresh in my mind. I was escaping from reality a little today and was out with Nic having Bakuteh (my favourite comfort food) and watching Sausage Party. The conversation somehow shifted to me, we’ve talked a lot about me recently as I’ve been going through a lot of things emotionally, and am pretty much a mess. Nic has been a real darling in dealing with my shit. He always seems to know all the right things to say, and today was no different.

He told me I needed to really think about me. What am I? The exact qualities that define me as a person. I couldn’t answer, honestly. It’s been a question I’ve been asking myself for about 2 years now, and still I don’t have an answer. And that’s okay, because that’s where this blog comes in right? Small baby steps to help me find myself. Yet I’m not being honest about myself, instead posting unimportant things (at this current moment) like my Yellow Zara Pants.

Who am I shitting? If you’ve seen the post you’ll know that I’m just bullshitting for the sake of having a post up, and masking them with pretty pictures. Even the post before that, I was¬†being all high and mighty about how to deal with expectations and disappointments. When in reality, I’m feeling as shitty as ever. So I’m going to go back to my roots, the purpose of this blog. I’m going to be as true to myself as possible, and no more bullshit.

I was initially afraid to talk about what I’m going through, simply because I thought people wouldn’t want to read it, and they would think I’m a whiny bitch. But as I quote Nic: ‘you are a whiny bitch’. It hurts, but it’s the truth, at least for now, and I’m going to embrace it as best as I could. And also going back to the purpose – this blog is for me first, and then I hope there’s somebody somewhere out there who can relate to this and not feel alone.

 

Love, Yumiko

 

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OOTD #1 Zara Yellow Pants

 

I am 2 weeks late on postings and¬†launching my shop ūüôĀ Will make it up by hopefully posting 2 posts this week!

 

I really like the idea of a colour pop. When I saw these yellow Zara pants, I knew I had to have them even though they were quite hell to match. At the same time, it can go well with anything! I went on the safer route this time by pairing them with a black/grey top, lace up black shoes, and black Chanel.

Yellow Pants, Black Lace Ups

 

Yellow Pants By The Pool
Yellow Pants By The Pool

I didn’t notice how bad the lighting was until I actually went into editing the pictures! At the time I was just thinking hey there’s a pool let’s use that as a background, but damn the green from the water just reflected everywhere! Note to self: do not take OOTDs by the pool.

I like the detail from the tassels, really brightens up a boring culotte!

Alexa Black Flats by Tutu Toe available at Ojoia
Alexa Black Flats by Tutu Toe available at Ojoia

Some people said it wasn’t flattering on me because I don’t exactly have the daintiest of feets, but you know what? I don’t care, I like the shoes. I’m going to wear them, even if they don’t ‘flatter’ me.

Sipping on Matcha Latte
Sipping on Matcha Latte

The Cafe Scene

 

Until next time folks!

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Dealing with Expectations and Disappointment + Life Updates

Hey there lovelies!

HOLY – Has it been 3 months since my last post??? YES IT HAS.

What happened since my last post

My god. It seemed like just yesterday, I was writing a life update in June, getting my driving license, and writing my last post on THE Bakmi Sakaw. I still remember quite clearly, I had just published the post, when I got a text about my dear friend’s death.¬†It’s a long story that I’m in no position to share, but she was the loveliest girl, and her condition has been worsening prior. We went to visit earlier too, but due to limited visiting hours, we didn’t get to see her that day. I still can’t quite believe it, but it’s soon going to be 3 months since then. I hope you’re good up there San.

So that happened, and then I was going to Bangkok with my parents, and then Osaka with my mom, and then it was time to go back to Singapore. It all happened pretty quickly, and even though it’s all vacation, it didn’t feel like rest to me because I was just rushing from place to place all the time.

Expectations and Disappointment

Once in Singapore, I was quickly overwhelmed by school, friends, and most importantly, my new position as President of my school’s entrepreneurship club. I guess I didn’t adequately prepare myself for the role. I know the responsibility and the commitment that comes with the position, but I didn’t really KNOW know until I’m actually in the position myself. It quickly got to me, everything, and I was feeling really down the past few weeks.

pout

There were major mood swings like I’d appear fine in front of other people and then go bawling my eyes out in front of Nic for no particular reason at all. I felt like I had to put on a front, because people think I’m this capable and independent girl, and I¬†had to live up to their expectations or I’d disappoint myself. And I hate people feeling disappointed in me, I hate being a failure. Which is probably my worse trait. Since young I’ve been taught to be the best and to not fail. But I fail to learn for myself that it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to fall short on people’s expectations, it’s okay to fail.

Never give up

What’s important is to get back up and continue, to not give up.¬†I still need to remind myself of this everyday because it’s not something that comes naturally to me. What does come naturally though, is the critique, the high expectations that I just can’t seem to hit all the time, which breeds disappointment and sadness.

As much as I’m writing this for the world to see, it’s also for me, to remind myself, don’t be a perfectionist, don’t have such high expectations, we’re all human, it’s okay to fall, but always remember to get back up again and never give up. It’s okay to make mistakes, what matters is that you learn, and you improve, no matter how small the change, so that tomorrow will always be a better day.

I’ve been feeling better recently, thanks to constant reminders of the above ^ and morning thoughts that go somewhere along the lines of ‘TODAY IS A BRAND NEW DAY!!!’ and listening to upbeat songs in the shower. As cliche as it sounds, it helps a ton in putting you in a great mood in the morning! Which, let’s face it, is the suckiest time of the day ūüėČ So try it for yourself and let me know how it goes in the comments below! Spotify has a great playlist called ‘Mood Booster’. Duh.

Life updates (in no chronological order):

  1. I’VE FOUND MY OLD TWITTER PROFILE!!!¬†Tweet me at @YUMIKOMASDA!
  2. Started uploading vlogs – let me know what you guys want to see!
  3. Bored of Pokemon Go at level 23, WHEN’S THE NEXT GEN COMING OUT??
  4. Hammie passed away ūüôĀ
  5. So behind on school work
  6. SHOP SECTION SOFT LAUNCH ON 23 SEPTEMBER (crossing fingers)
  7. Ok I don’t know what else, can’t think of anything now BYE!

 

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